Life Styles of the Crazy and Marveled II
by Descendent
Summary: Jamie once again starts touring the homes of those the Marvel Universe dubbs truly insane... sorry abiout the goof up, my computer was acting funny. Heres the real conclusion.
1. The HellFire Club

Life Styles of the Crazy and Marveled 2: The Hell-Fire Club  
  
Author's note: It was so popular I couldn't resist…  
  
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Outside of the Hellfire Club Mansion, England  
  
"Why the bloody hell am I doing this again?" Jamie asked the off screen cameraman. "Oh your right, that is a shit-load of money…" Jamie said in his professional voice as he faced the camera. "Greetings all and welcome to lifestyles of the Crazy and Marveled. Once again, I am you cultured host, James Madrox." Jamie stated as he walked towards the mansion. "The Mansion behind me belongs to the Infamous Hellfire club, a group of mutant debutants who wish to someday rule the world. This 14th century Victorian household has 18 rooms, 6 baths, a full working kitchen, training facility and private brothel… You know, this may not be as bad as I originally though…" Jamie stated with a sly smile as he made his way into the house.  
  
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Inside the Foyer  
  
"This massive Foyer drips with the architecture of the early nineteenth century." Jamie said as the camera panned around. We see Emma Frost walking by with a man in a black leather thong, blindfolded and on a leash.  
  
"Reminds me Jubilee and Bobby's costumes at the last Halloween party." Jamie said as they walked by. "Let's move on, shall we?"  
  
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The Kitchen  
  
"Here is the kitchen, where the Hell-fire Clubs personal Chef, Emeral, cooks their dinners.  
  
"A little bit of Nitroglycerine and some sodium-sulfide… and BAM!" Emeral stated as he put the caps onto the homemade explosives. "This should deal with those pesky human rights activists"  
  
"Scary indeed…" Jamie stated as he wiped his brow. "Lets go visit James LeGrand's room…"  
  
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LeGrand's room  
  
"Mr. LeGrand is a Scottish entrepreneur… He is also the white rook of the hell-fire club, with the ability to control a person's personal gravitational field." Jamie said as he opened the door to LeGrand's room. He was immediately hit by the aroma of…Burning plant matter. Yea, that's the ticket… He looked inside the room to see LeGrand floating in the air, a strange look plastered on his face as he giggled to himself.  
  
"I'm floating…" LeGrand stated as he spun in the air, his eyes bloodshot as he laughed.  
  
"Unreal." Jamie said as he slammed the door. "Let us move onto Emma Frost's room…"  
  
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Emma Frost's Room  
  
"Emma Frost is the lusty manipulative Sex kitten of the Hell-Fire Club." Jamie stated. He then took out a thing of breath freshener and sprayed it in his mouth a couple of times. "Let's take a visit into her room, shall we?" Jamie asked as he opened the door to see Cyclops and Emma Frost… exploring the possibilities of the Karma Sutra.  
  
"Ohhh… A threesome…" Emma stated as she licked her lips as she and Cyclops looked up. A look of horror came to Scott's face.  
  
"GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!!!" Cyclops shouted as he slammed the door in Jamie's face.  
  
"Jean is not going to like this…" Jamie stated before he got a wicked smile. "Hey Don, how much do you think the Brotherhood will pay for that video?"  
  
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Donald Pierce's Room  
  
"Donald Pierce is a Cyborg assassin, and quite psychotic as well… They do not pay me enough for this…" Jamie muttered as he slowly opened the door to Pierces room.  
  
"I'm the greatest admiral in the kings navy…" Pierce sang as he stood there in an admiral suit, a dozen other men in sailor suits singing with him.  
  
Sailors: and you record will stand as proof…  
  
Pierce: Whether it be a galley or a freighter I'm an excellent navigator…  
  
Sailors: And you're also a world-class poof…  
  
Pierce: And even though I've been known to piruquet on cue, i can still thrill a lass or too… I'd rather get it on with you…  
  
All: MWA HA HA HA HA HA  
  
"Truley Disturbing…" Jamie stated as he slammed the door. "Let's move on to Sebastian Shaws Room  
  
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Sebastian Shaw's Room  
  
"Sebastian Shaw, leader of the Hell-Fire Club is an ego-centric madman who is a criminal genius…" Jamie stated as he opened the door to Shaw's room, revealing the leader of the Hell-Fire Club covered in shaving cream wielding a strait razor whiling singing to himself.  
  
"Mutton Chops, Mutton Chops, I love my Mutton Chops…" Shaw sang as he danced around.  
  
"I'm not paid enough for this…" Jamie moaned as he closed the door. "Let us visit Sages Room, shall we?"  
  
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Sage's Room  
  
"Sage is a human computor, capable of processing hundreds of tons of information in a matter of seconds." Jamie stated before he opened the door to see sage surfing the Internet on her computor.  
  
"Must unlock the music of the spheres..." sage kept muttering to herself as she bobbed back and forth.  
  
"And i hate my life." Jamie stated dryly as he closed the door.  
  
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Back in the main Foyer  
  
"You know what, Screw the rest of the house. Join us all next time when we visit the Shield Airborne base. Until next time viewers, fine living and good day to you all…" Jamie stated before he walked off Camera. "I truly hate my life…  
  
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Tune in next time true Believers, and let me know what you want to see next,  
  
Descendent 


	2. Shields Helicarriar

Life Styles of the Crazy and Marveled 2: Shield's Flying Fortress

Sorry about the delay… Wait no I'm not… I was busy. Oh well, here's part two.

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Somewhere Classified

"Greetings all, and welcome once again, to life styles of the Crazy and Marveled. I am your cultured host, James Madrox." Jamie stated as he walked along the narrow hallway. "Today on life styles we shall be touring the home of S.H.I.E.L.D. These highly trained solders are the key to our American and global defense network." Jamie stated as a couple of shield agents stumbled by, drunk and high. "Is there any wonder why this country's so screwed up?" Jamie asked no one in particular. "Anyhow, lets us carry on."

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Somewhere else classified…

"Here we now stand in the S.H.I.E.L.D. armory, where they're agents are armed for their missions." Jamie stated as the camera panned around to reveal Charlton Hesston cleaning out a gun. "Mr. Hesston? What are you doing here?' Jamie asked as he walked over.

"What do you think?" Hesston stated as he continued to clean out his gun. "I'm on the payroll."

"Ah…" Jamie said as Hesston cocked the gun. "Let's move on to Nick Fury's room…" Jamoe said as he walked out.

"Remember! Gun's don't kill people! Apes with guns kill people!" Charleston Hesston shouted after them.

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Nick Fury's room, Location Classified…

"Here we stand in Nicholas Fury's room. Mr. Fury is the leader of S.H.I.E.L.D., as well as a decorated officer in the military." Jamie stated as he opened the door to Nick Fury's room. Nick fury stood there in a dress, singing to himself.

"Oh I wish I was an Oscar Mayer Weiner… That is what I really want to…eep…" Nick Fury stammered as he saw the Camera's and Jamie standing in his door way. "GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!"

"And here I thought an eye patch made you macho…" Jamie stated. "Let's move on to the war-room…"

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Someplace else classified

"Well, folks, unfortunately our tour has been cut short…" Jamie stated as the camera panned backwards, reveling Jamie locked in a jail cell. "Who would have thought that breaking national security was a federal offense?" Jamie stated. "Well, this is James Madrox signing off…hopefully not for the last time, saying Fine living and good day to you all…" Jamie stated before the camera was turned off. "Dear god I hope Xavier got my call…"

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Bet you all weren't expecting that one…

Sorry about the semi cheesy ending, but I really wanted to get on to writing other stories, and I didn't want to leave this one hanging.

Later all and keep your eyes tuned for more work, hopefully much better and much, much more consistent.

Descendent 


End file.
